Being pregnant a second time has been interesting. Not quite so interesting that I’m thinking I necessarily want to do it again, but interesting none the less. It’s given me some perspective on which of my moods, freak outs and general behaviors the first time through were hormone driven, and which were just coincidence.
I’m not somebody who typically has to deal with my hormones that much. Sure, I get some minor attitude from PMS, but nothing of real note. When I get pregnant though? Holy cow I lose my mind…all the more because it’s not something I typically have to contend with.
Obviously, with another 3 weeks yet in the second trimester, I haven’t been able to figure out which of the third trimester crazies are baby-building driven, but I have found several behaviors in the first and second trimesters that have been consistent in timing with both the pregnancies.
The first trimester I get paranoid. Not so much “ninjas under the bed” paranoid, but “I need to have the next 10 years planned out in detail, NOW” paranoid. It wouldn’t be so bad, but I also get a crippling inability to actually make any decisions…on anything. Next 10 years planned? Ha, I’m lucky if I can decide on what to have for lunch. …not that I have any appetite what-so-ever. Also, the rampant narcolepsy that means I’m napping every time there’s not something actively keeping me awake makes planning a tad difficult too.
So basically I spend the first trimester freaking out in between naps and attempts at finding food that doesn’t make me gag.
The second trimester is a lot more mellow in that I lose the paranoia and get my energy and my appetite back. Hooray! I’m not constantly falling asleep, I can eat again and I don’t spend every waking minute panicking about my future! …except, oops, now I don’t actually care about anything further in the future than my due date. And I find it really, really irritating when people expect me to stop daydreaming and think about it. Unless my head is actually on fire, why are you bothering me about finding a bucket of water? Pay no attention to the fact I’m holding a match to my ponytail end. …not so great for my “working towards a post-SAHM future where I’ll actually be employable” college courses.
All in all, the point I’m trying to get to with all of this is an apology that these editorials have been rather lack-luster lately. I’m just having a terrible time convincing myself to get worked up about much of anything. I’m finding zoning out and daydreaming about nothing exceptionally satisfying. Thing is, not having much of an opinion on anything makes it really hard to write these posts. I’ll keep doing it, because I love y’all that much, but just know, if my ramblings are extra random and pointless, you should blame the baby.
Also, if you see me and I have this look on my face, you probably don’t want to ask me to help organize plans for a huge camping/boating/sewing/whatever trip next summer…if you value your life.